I hate it when the bathroom door is locked but you keep trying because you don’t know if you’re just too stupid to know how to open it.
A coal miner is probably the worse job a man can have. I’m so lucky to not be one.
The cars on our street were being towed this morning. Hopefully they’re digging up the road and putting that fibre wifi into the earth.
Grown ups aren’t supervised.
The other day Eva told me she used to tell her sister she’d trade her two pennies for one of her quarters.
I always liked crossing my legs
Until I found out it was ____
Then I had to stop
In fear I was _____
Babies are neither good or bad. A blank slate that everyone can worship and love.
I put on ski googles when I cut an onion.
An ending where you don’t know what will happen like not seeing England lose in penalties and making the viewer believe in whatever they wish.
Hoovering moths and then releasing them somewhere else.
Kerstin said when she was a little girl in Michigan they used to bike around a house that had been torn apart by a tornado. One side of it looked perfectly normal but when you biked around it the other side had been torn to shreds.
Eva said she had a dream where she poured a large bottle of wine into a paper bag and then into a plastic bag and then back into the bottle.
If there is anything god like about god. It is that he dared to imagine everything. I did not come up with this.
Allow the world to embrace you. It gives you momentum.
I watched a dragon on my iPhone screen soar into the sky and blow fire as people ran and screamed from the other end of the subway car. It was no dragon, but a man who yelled “I am God”.
I don’t like flowers because they make me too sad when they die.
My girlfriends credit card is the key that unlocks my sandwich, he told the deli man.
Dropped by sunglasses into the toilet bowl of the Coney Island aquarium on my birthday.
I like how my dad's voice always cracks when he says goodbye. All defences down.
My dads name is Paul John but he doesn’t like the Beatles.
Movies are the memories of our lifetime.